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Sweets … and sh!t

Something is seriously wrong with my body.

Scratch that. Let me rephrase.

Something is seriously wrong with my body’s tastes. Lately, I have been craving sweets and chocolate. And not only craving, but EATING sweets and chocolate. I’m developing a serious sweet tooth condition.



Growing up, we rarely had sweets and chocolate. We considered it an occasion when Dad would come home with a bar for my sister and me to share.

I have very fond memories of these rare moments. We would bookend him as he stood at the kitchen counter, grabbed one of the sharp knives we were forbidden to touch and cut the bar smartly in half – meaning that we each got the chocolate in its own wrapper!

I don’t know why having the wrapper on added to the eating experience, but it did. Did I mention that I was a strange child? OK. So it was thanks to such experiences that I discovered that I don’t like nougat. This was because Dad’s chocolate of choice was a Marathon (now sadly renamed as “Snickers”). I’d usually get through two or three tiny bites and then offer the remainder of my half of the bar to all-comers.

When I grew older and was able to finance my own chocolate purchases, I discovered that Malteasers were the perfect sweet for me. They had just the right amount of chocolate and the honeycomb centre isn’t too sugary-tasting. I was content just eating a couple of these spherical wonders at any one sitting and a 37g bag could last me for days.


But in the last couple of months, it seems that my body has become discontent with the amount of sugar I was not eating and I find myself consuming sweets and chocolates as though trying to make up for the amount that I didn’t eat as a child. This wouldn’t bother me so much if I was living my life in its previous incarnation. Between work (where each day featured at least 2 hours of walking), weekly dance classes and regular clubbing, I could happily burn off the excess energy and calories. But my days are more sedentary now and I worry about this increased ingestion of sugar.

We have a “goodies” box in the kitchen where we keep the biscuits, crisps and nibbles generally purchased for when guests need entertaining with titbits. Lately, I have found myself delving into the box when I am the ONLY PERSON in the house (for shame!). I even find myself doing this in the wee small hours of the night – especially when insomnia jumps onto my shoulders and demands piggyback rides all night long.

I’ve even taken to eating Urban Fruit as a healthy alternative as they are just pieces of pineapple or mango that have been baked, but are still sweet-tasting. Only, I’m still having the same problem. My hand reaches the bottom of the bag before I’m ready! Then I find myself patting the bag to check for any that may have been missed and then [Forgive me, Father] I take to holding up the wrapper and looking into the bag as though my eyes may somehow cause just. one. more. piece. to apparate where my hands were unable to cause such miracles. Come on!!! What’s that all about?


The evidence of my new addiction surrounds me. There are multiple confectionary wrappers in my desk-side bin and the “goodies” box is looking a little depleted. [Note to guests: Please bring your own titbits. While you’re at it, bring me some too. Thank you, please].

Yet still I find myself wandering round the house looking for the next sweet thing I can put in my mouth!!?!!!? At the rate I’m going, it’d just be my luck to develop diabetes on top of everything else.

Help me! Before I do a Violet Beauregarde and the wife returns home to find that I have turned into a bar of (milk) chocolate.

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AUTHOR: I am might war. I have a love of music, the written word, travel, Anime, polar bears, people and “sticking and colouring”.

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