Dear might war,
I am your older self. The self who can look back twenty-four years and see you as clearly as though you were stood by my side.
I am writing this letter as a creative writing exercise: a sort of test to see what I can come up with when given a fixed topic to write about.
I have started this letter several times already, as it didn’t seem right. I didn’t want to tell you too much as spoilers take away the joy of self discovery, but I also know that you promised never to lie to yourself about your experiences and your feelings – even if you hide them from others; so I have decided to speak to you about the things that matters.
First of all, let me start by telling you that it all works out in the end. It is not the fairytale ending, but you never really trusted fairytales, did you?
OK then. Where shall I start?
The family survives. I know that you are very worried about this at your age, but I can tell you that the clan survives – despite separation and our individually shared experiences. We will hold onto each other through drama and celebration and build a bond that nourishes your soul and brings you joy such as you could hardly imagine.
Your sisters grow up to be two exemplary examples of womanhood. Zelda grows into a woman of immense substance and is always the first to hold you – even after you have shown her your pain; and Tsarina dazzles you so much, that you will struggle to write about her.
With regards to Mum; I am so sorry for what the two of you will have to go through. But you will use the act of putting your thoughts into words and your words onto paper to heal yourself from the hurt she causes you.
It works out in the end though. And there will come a time when you will be able to tell others that your mum suffers from a mental illness without your throat constricting and your body automatically adopting a combative pose in readiness of her defence.
She will come to realise just how much you are a part of her and will tell you of her love for you in her own words. Hang in there, for this experience is worth the wait and there will come a time when you will reclaim each other in joy and fellowship.
Daddi grows up with you; and there will come a time when he sits you down and explains that when you were a child, he had to be the law in your life and not a friend. As you become an adult, he will show himself more fully to you and you will come to realise how you are truly your father’s child.
You won’t believe me, but it gets to the point where he answers your call with the greeting “Hello bitches”. And “Cakegate” is gonna have the whole family chuckling for weeks on end…
You will never regret your decision not to commit suicide (ever).
I still remember that afternoon you spent perched up on the window ledge considering the pros and cons of ending your own life.
I remember how your heart was so hurt, it seemed to slump against your rib cage. I remember how the tears came so thickly, that it was hard to breathe.
I remember you asking “Why me?” and not being able to find an answer. I am unable to give you an answer even now.
And I remember how systematic you were in your considerations: approaching the subject with the same attitude that you approach all things you consider to be of importance (You are such a strange child! 🙂 ).
I remember you decided not to make it easy for the gods that be. Deciding that we only get one shot at life and that no matter how sharp and painful life got, that they would have to take it from us – we wouldn’t be making it easy for them.
I say again: You never regret that decision. It helps you face some of the most distressing experiences of your life with a stoicism that makes you formidable in all aspects of your life and self.
One more thing: You turn out to be wrong about the spinster thing. But don’t worry, you’re gonna love finding out why that is.
I hope I have given you a little something to keep you hopeful and excited about the life you are about to lead and the person you are going to become. It won’t be easy – you are a McWog™ after all. But it will be an exquisitely tragic experience interlaced with moments of such startling beauty that you will regularly look back and think: I did that. That was me.
Ever yours in love, laughter and friendship,
(Your Older Self)
You can see how other bloggers revisited their childhood at The Daily Post.
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AUTHOR: I am might war. I have a love of music, the written word, travel, Anime, polar bears, people and “sticking and colouring”.