and-sh!t-section-header TW13

You Lost Me At “Embedding A Map”

Dear WordPress,
 
 
I thought we had something going for us. Ours was the start of something beautiful; and then you go and do this.

Without warning; without even offering me a medicinal beverage of my choosing to help stiffen my nerves, you throw me into the lion’s den of Google Maps and watch as I am savagely chewed and then spat out.

I know that you are only trying to help me: trying to “highlight a feature in the WordPress.com Dashboard and challenge [me] to incorporate it into [my] blog”.

But couldn’t this wait ’til the end of the month? Couldn’t you have given me a couple of chances at the Writing Challenge before flooring me with this b!stard of an assignment?
 

*****

 
 

I tried; really I did. I opened the guide in one window and Google Maps in another.

I read a sentence and then pressed the directed buttons. [Mmmm].

I re-read the sentence and re-pressed the directed buttons. [Erm Miss, I think mine is broken].

Then I got all militant with my computer; it in turn looked at me like something it’d found on the bottom of its shoe and then for the sake of my sanity and my neighbour’s goodwill, I turned the b!stard off.
 

*****

 
 

I went back and tried again later. But what I produced could only be likened to a map the way that this:
Christ fresco - attempted alteration

can be likened to this*.
Christ fresco - deteriorated version
 

*****

 
 

There is no way that I can deface my blog with the eyesore I created, and so I am writing to say “You win, technology”.

Because if this were a classroom situation, I’d be the kid stood in the middle of the room with afro askew, paint splashed across face and clothing, having inexplicably glued her hand to the paper and with a dazed look in her eyes – wondering what the hell happened.

Honestly, I was rather glad when the convulsions started up as it meant that I couldn’t see the screen anymore and couldn’t approach the computer even if I wanted to.

I’ll pass on this skills test methinks. Maybe I’ll try it again when I’m grown up.

Yours in humble resignation and utter frustration,

mightwar signature
 
 
* Image source: metro.co.uk. See here for the full story of the Christ fresco.
 

This piece was written and submitted as part of WordPress.com’s Weekly Writing Challenge. The writing challenges are designed to “help you to push your writing boundaries, show off your blogging chops, and, hopefully, spark more post ideas”. The posts should be specifically written in response to the challenge set.

This week, WordPress challenged us to “incorporate our Google Maps embed feature by plotting out some of the favorite places that you’ve been, or the places you want to go”. You can see how other bloggers responded to the challenge, on Map It Out.
 

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AUTHOR: I am might war. I have a love of music, the written word, travel, Anime, polar bears, people and “sticking and colouring”.

22 thoughts on “You Lost Me At “Embedding A Map”

    1. I’m really hoping that the next task is something not so technical. Please God, let them give me something I can actually do. Talk about a total wipeout!

      P.S.: What does “smh” mean?

  1. haha! Oh no worries, at least you tried! And you ended up with a hysterical post, so you can check that off your list as a success– “Weekly Writing Challenge? Nailed it!”

  2. Oh how I love, love, love it. WordPress and I also have a somewhat disastrous relationship. WordPress can do so much for those who are in the know, yet for us beginners who are a little green around the ears, it can be quite the challenging bitch. I have yet to work out how to use that nifty new little gadget called “gallery images” to my tiled or cascaded advantage. I can still only plonk one photo at a time down. While it looks okay, it truly lacks the superiority and finesse that an entire tiled wall of circular photos can offer. I have also successfully had Youtube videos appear in their neat little window complete with play button in the middle. The very next time, however, I attempted the same feat, I was met with a url hotlink and no nifty little Youtube window to tempt my readers/listeners. **sigh**. Back to the old drawing board!

    1. Yeah, I’ve had my adventures with the Tiled Gallery. I have been practicing on a fake post that I have saved to drafts and hope to be able to transfer the results to a post soon(ish).
      I’ve found that the new “Insert Media” function in the actual post window is the easiest way of me to get results close to what I envision.

  3. Well at least you tried. I looked at my ‘join the dots’ effort and thought I was doing really well until I saw some others. Others have managed pictures and landscapes and all sorts. It makes mine look like a kids colouring book. Your post however made me feel a whole lot better. You ended up with the page glued to your hand and paint in your hair. I managed a dot to dot drawing and only bored a very small hole into the side of my face with the pencil. Concentration does that to me.
    Sympathies.
    Kerry

    1. Ah Kerry, I have seen some of the wonders that other people have managed to produce and have had to acknowledge to myself that this is not my area of creativity – gutting though that is.

      Don’t knock your “join the dots effort” as it at least hints at what you’re trying to achieve. Me? I’ve been relegated to the “Soft Play area” for my own safety.

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