If Your Universe Has No Moon …

“Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck by the difference between what things are and what they might have been.”
– William Hazlitt


jump The common denominator of all human activity is movement. Even in stillness, our heartbeat and breathing continue and the qualities of movement can be recognised in facial expression and body attitude – for example, actors and dancers are trained to exaggerate the intensity and body stance so that it radiates throughout a pause ensuring continuity is maintained.

From movement grows drama – the social interactions of the human race.
Aristotle points out that the term drama is given to works because they “represent men doing things”*. The word drama literally means “a thing done”*.

People who suffer mental, physical or psychological disabilities are inhibited in using their bodies as their expressive and communicating instruments. Thus the aim of their therapy is to create an awareness of themselves – as individuals and in the grand scheme of things – and also to promote an awareness of others.
 
 

 

These are the opening paragraphs to my university dissertation. I dug it out of the storage box as inspiration for the next steps in my life and boy, it shook me up.

For one thing, it reminded me how capable I am of writing some lyrical shit for a grade. And the other thing is that it underlined how due to my illness, I have become one of the people that I trained to work with. Life is funny like that.

Why should this matter? Because there are a couple of issues that I need to resolve.
 

 

#1

Tango 4 SilhouetteMy relationship with my body has always been a very important part of how I perceive myself and the world around me (see Muffled for details); and the hardest part of these shenanigans has been not being able to dance out my frustrations.

Dancing makes me FEEL! I use it to express the things I have no words for – and yet I haven’t seen a dancefloor for nearly 2½ years. I’ve kept telling myself that I will go out dancing when I get a little better, but that doesn’t look like it’ll be any time soon. So I have decided to go on out anyway. As Rudolf Laban said,

“Man moves to satisfy a need. He aims by his movement at something of value to him. Its shapes and rhythms show the moving person’s attitude to a particular situation.”

I have a need to express my situation in the manner that is most beneficial for me – and I can’t worry about freaking others out in the process. If this is to become my usual state of functioning, I’m taking my spastic self out into public regardless.

I want to feel the bass reverberating through the tires of my wheelchair and trickling into the pit of my stomach. I want to feel something other than pain and dysfunction.
 
jump 2
 

 

#2

I was in the process of completing my post-graduate Masters degree in Social Work when this illness hit me with a vengeance. I’d completed and passed all the modules bar the dissertation – which had to be deferred. I have now been informed that I have until May 8th to hand it in, otherwise I can kiss the qualification goodbye.

studyingAll my experience in social work has been what I’ve learnt on the job and this is no longer enough. If I don’t get this professional qualification, I cannot continue to work in the field that I love. And I am not interested in retraining in another area of work.

So I have decided to attempt the dissertation anyway because I really don’t want to have to repeat the course. My wife and sisters are gonna help with the typing and proof-reading.

I’ve had a chat with myself and decided to lower my standards. This time round, I just need to pass. The important thing is to ensure that I obtain the qualification – ready for a time when I can return to work. And to ensure that they spell my name correctly on the certificate!
 

 

So these two activities are the challenges that I need to complete over the next 3 months. I dare to post them before the eyes of others so that I will be bound by my words. This is the written equivalent of having a glove slapped across my face.

Fuckerty happens, but I can at least put things into place in readiness for a time when I am healthier.

And in the meantime, my motto will be this:

If Your Universe Has No Moon …

Si el teu univer no te lluna
Inventa-la!

If your universe has no moon,
invent one!

 
Granted, things have not panned out as I had planned/hoped. Fair enough. But I am bored of dragging my body and my self through the day – bleeding away, hour by hour. My world has changed beyond recognition and to live it to some kind of fullness; I need to change my perspective equally as drastically.

I am hoping it will be the motivator that I so desperately require. Because truly, I am tired of being sick; tired of describing myself in terms of “cannot” and tired of suffering the insult that my life has become.

So I put it out there: why demand a ball of lava and gases when you could have a balloon and dreams instead?

“Ah, but a man’s dream should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for?”
– Robert Browning

 

References

* The Uses of Drama by John Hodgson
 

Related Posts

 
 

ugly shoes SPREAD THE WORD
If you liked this post, I mean really liked this post, why not tell your friends? You could also subscribe while you’re at it. You know, so you don’t miss anything.

AUTHOR: I am might war. I have a love of music, the written word, travel, Anime, polar bears, people and “sticking and colouring”.

8 thoughts on “If Your Universe Has No Moon …

  1. You make me want to do more with what ever it is I have the ability to do. Be grateful for what I have. And do more than I thought I ever could. I cheer you on. And I appreciate being taught a new word (Fuckerty….you have no idea how close it is to my maiden name. For real.)

    1. Thank you Chatter Master. In the midst of the pain and ill-health, I’d forgotten my New Year message was about making my own happiness. This is my first steps into making that so.

      “Fuckerty happens” is actually my sister’s phrase, but I like the way that it captures that sense of being tripped up. We are more than happy to share it.

      I giggled at the the comment about the name – couldn’t help it. Childish, I know. I hope you weren’t teased too badly about it.

      1. Oh no teasing in that manner about the name. I don’t know that if , as children, we even knew “that” word. But I’m sure if we had, it would have been used. I laughed when I saw it and realized how similar…..

        I’m glad you’re taking your first steps to happiness. I do hope we get to share in some of that journey with you. 🙂

  2. Sweetheart, I KNOW you can achieve this! Look at all the blog posts you so articulately and eloquently post FREQUENTLY. Now, if you apply that sort of gusto to your dissertation you will kick some serious butt. It’s awesome you have your lovely wife and sisters to help you along through this hurdle.

    I absolutely love dancing and I, too, have not been out dancing for a LONG time. I hope you take yourself out and go and boogie like there is no tomorrow. Chair, or no chair, you can feel that beat and wiggle those hips. Who gives a f**k what other people think. Get a bunch of girlfriends and head out for the night. If that fails and you are too exhausted by nightfall, turn your loungeroom into a day club and put some pumping tunes on and get some friends over for some toe tapping fun.

    You are an inspiration, my friend. I cannot WAIT to hear how progress is going on these two resolutions.

    xo hugs from Oz.

    1. Seriously strawbs, you make a GREAT cheering squad. Thank you.

      Am gonna work on the dissertation at times when the eyesight isn’t too bad. A few words at a time until its done.

      I considered the house party too, but I want to get out there and do something the ‘normal’ way for a change. Besides, my stereo is good, but I want to have to shout in a mate’s ear to be heard. Just can’t beat that surround sound system that they have in clubs. Plus, it’ll be an excuse to dress up – which doesn’t happen very often these days.

Then YOU Said...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s