theories-&-suspicions-section header TW13

Pump Up The Volume

September 23, 2004

I think my tits are getting bigger.

Why would I think this? Because for the first time in years, I can see them.

This is not as odd as it might sound. Let me explain.

Over the years, I’ve developed a good awareness of my breasts. Well I’ve had to really. I was flat-chested until I was 14½ and then overnight these things appeared: messing up the shape of my t-shirts and getting in the way when I played racket sports.

Sadly, the days when I used to run regularly are long gone. And it wasn’t the weight that stopped me, but the breasts.

As many women can tell you: the buggers can mess up your balance in the worst way. By the time I reached university, I had resigned myself to some home truths:

  1. My cleavage was fascinating to other people in ways that I couldn’t comprehend and that I’d have to get used to having conversations with the tops of people’s heads.

  3. At my cup size, the best I could hope for in a bra was that it was “well constructed”. Pretty details and rainbow colours were not an option.

  5. I’d have to work a few hours overtime each week to be able to afford a good fitting bra (black, navy or white).

  7. I’d have to make an annual trip to Marks & Spencer for a fitting.

  9. Gravity was not my friend.



Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been bad; me and the girls have had some great times.

I became friends with a guy after he admitted he’d had a dream about them.

And then there was the time they got me and 5 friends into a club in America – queue-jumping the 100 or so people in front of us.

The bouncer had been flirting and I said I’d flash him if he let us in. He dared me, I flashed them (encased in a pretty, slightly lacy, golden cream bra that I’d paid a small fortune for: one of the few truly beautiful bras I’ve owned and the colour contrasted nicely against my skin) and we were in!

The bouncer even walked us to the dance floor. And he didn’t even charge us entry! Man, I miss that bra! 😀


So slowly, slowly, I got used to them and learnt to understand their moods and needs. Then I hit an F cup and levelled out and it was great: I’ve had a few years to learn to walk comfortably again and be able to dress properly.

Then the other week, out of the blue, my posture no longer works; my bras are feeling a little close; and I can see the buggers whichever way I’m facing.

And it’s not just me who’s noticed. Some guy totally failed to hear what his wife was saying because his eyes and thoughts were walking me down the road: and another fella did a double-take (I kid you not – Auburn was in fits!) at the traffic lights the other day.

I have no idea what I’m gonna do. I doubt that my travel budget can accommodate the purchase of bigger bras. And just where am I going to find a Marks & Spencer on this side of the world?…
SO TELL ME: What kind of adventures have you had with breasts (either your own or others’)? Oh go on, I showed you mine. 😉

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AUTHOR: I am might war. I have a love of music, the written word, travel, Anime, polar bears, people and “sticking and colouring”.

7 thoughts on “Pump Up The Volume

  1. I’ve always loved my boobs but once they got to an F size…. whoah! Hold on a minute there. Now I”ve lost ten kilos and they have shrunk somewhat again and are no longer as robust and perky as they once were (curse you, gravity and old age) but hey. If you’ve got it, flaunt it! I love how your tits got you into a nightclub. You go girl! Here is a link to a funny blog post about my bosoms…

    1. Brilliant strawbs! I like the attitude you went with.

      Plus by that night club flash, I was getting bored with other people’s fascination with the girls and figured that I should make the situation work for me for a change. I didn’t expect it to work. But the club was sooo worth getting into and we had a fabulous night.

      P.S.: I’ve heard rumours about exercises that perk breasts right up. I don’t know if these are true, but in my tribe there’s an old wives tale about how you can get breasts to grow by hitting them with a wooden spoon. I still haven’t been able to clarify whether you have to get someone to do the hitting or whether it works just as well if you hit them yourself. Let me know how it works out if you decide to try it. 😉

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