Sex and the Wheelchair

Sex and the Wheelchair - mightwar
 
 

I want to fuck my wife.

Yep, I said it. I want to fuck my wife.

In fact, I’d prefer to be doing that rather than writing this post. But unfortunately, no can do.

And that’s the problem right there.
 
 
I realise that many of you are now hurriedly backing away from your screens at this point, but I really need to talk about this.
 

*****

 
 

OK, here is my problem:

Since I got sick three years ago, my wife and I haven’t had sex.

Yep, you read that right. Three years.

My wife and I have discussed the lack of sex in our relationship during this time and she is not unduly worried. But it’s starting to bug me out a little.

 

*****

 
 

I was late to come to the sexual table. My first sexual experience occurred two weeks before my twenty-fourth birthday. Up ‘til then, I had been non-sexual – it just didn’t cross my mind to do anything with anyone.

I’m not kidding. For my twentieth birthday, my mate Gus gave me a book on how to masturbate because she couldn’t believe that I wasn’t at least touching myself. (Nice one, Gus. The book’s been really handy over the years 😉)

 
When I hit twenty-five, my body awoke to its sexual self and the journey into pleasure and intimacy kicked off.

I was surprised to discover that not only did I enjoy sex, but I was also more experimental and voracious than I would have ever given myself credit for.

And because I was blessed with lovers of a similar vein, I was able to explore all the elements of the sexual arena that drew my interest.

 

*****

 
 

By the time that I reached my mid-thirties, I was fully conversant with my sexual self and had found a woman who was not only a natural redhead, but who had (wondrously) agreed to share my life despite my tendency to hump her leg at inconvenient times (Does life get better than this?).

My high sex drive has been a constant amusement for my wife and me. So much so, that I sent her this card:

local-postman-card

 
The message I wrote inside was:

To Auburn,

Because I thought you would appreciate being propositioned by someone other than me for a change.

P.S.: I plan to get my share after the postman.
And I don’t care what you wear.

 

*****

 
 

Then in early 2011, I got sick with Functional Movement Disorder. The illness affects my ability to stand, walk, speak, see and coordinate my movements.

And because my body spasms a lot, my wife has had to avoid close contact lest I inadvertently punch, kick, elbow or scratch her in the process: which seriously put a dampener on opportunities for me to cop a feel.

 

*****

 
 

Eighteen months ago, we were sitting chatting on the sofa and I somehow managed to turn our conversation into innuendo. This was such a miraculous event in itself – what with my medications either leaving me zombie-like or with no short-term memory so that I repeat conversations – that I decided to try make a move.

I looked over my shoulder coquettishly and decided to lean in slowly to plant a kiss.

I put my hand down on the sofa between us to close the gap, leaned in and there then followed several hours of clothes-tearing, heavy-breathing, “Take me now, I’m losing my mind on lust” fornication.

Or so I wish.

 

*****

 
 

What actually happened was this.

 
I looked over my shoulder coquettishly and decided to lean in slowly to plant a kiss.

I put my hand down on the sofa between us to close the gap, leaned in and then my wrist, elbow and shoulder joints collapsed – causing me to fall forward and head-butt the wife’s lap sharply enough for her to cry out in pain.
 
Three and a half hours later, I once again become aware of my surroundings; to find myself slumped across the sofa, hyperventilating.

My whole body is transmitting pain in excruciating detail and urgency.

My mouth is doing a solid impression of the Sahara.

There is drool running down my chin and pooling on the seat beneath me.

I look up to see the wife sat on a folding chair opposite me with an anxious look on her face.
 
 
Turns out I had a series of episodes simultaneously – which looks like a cross between an Epileptic seizure and Stroke.

And the icing on the cake? I had pissed myself during all the palaver, so the wife’s put down towels to soak up the spill.

Seriously folks, it doesn’t get sexier than this.
 
 
We then had to wait another hour for my shakes to slow down enough for me to be extricated into the wheelchair and then wheeled down to bathroom to be washed and changed.

After which the wife had to clean up the mess that I’d made on the sofa.

 

*****

 
 

I think it fair to assume that this incident will not be making it onto either of our lists of 100 Horniest Nights of My Life.

Damn it! There was a time when I could make three and a half hours count for something!!

If I’d had my way, the wife would have been too exhausted to say her own name. Instead, she spent the evening monitoring me to ensure that I was able to breathe and swallow; and feeding me water through a straw!

Anyone else see what’s wrong with this picture?

 

*****

 
 

Even so, that’s more than we’ve managed since then.

For over a year, I haven’t even felt horny.

To be precise, I haven’t felt anything – besides the pain, that is.

And when I say “anything”, I mean any. thing. Most of the time, I’m unable to tell when someone/something is touching me unless I am actually looking directly at the point of contact.

I even tried masturbating to see if I could overcome the loss of sensation. And it was like …

….

….

 
 
Do you know how disheartening it can be to touch yourself and not be able to feel anything at all?

I got so tired of these tumbleweed moments that I just gave up.

 

*****

 
 

But there is good news, Ladies and Gentlemen. Over the last couple of months,

my horniness has returned!

OK. I probably didn’t need to write that so large, but I got caught up in the celebratory moment.

 
I’m very excited by the possibility of having sex again. But there is some anxiety too.

I mean, it’s been three years. And so I’m wondering;

What if I have forgotten what to do?

 
That may seem like a silly thing to worry about, but the thought keeps coming back to haunt me.

I mean, before I got sick, my bedroom skills were solid. What I could do to a woman’s body was amazing. My skills with the male body weren’t on the same level, but that was because I hadn’t spent as much time practising.

But I was proficient and received high praise from those I’d fucked and those who’d watched me fuck.

And now, what: I’m to return to virgin status and relearn something that I used to know and was good at?

Call me selfish unrealistic whatever, but following the long abstinence, I was kinda hoping to jump back into the sexual pool with abandon and revel in returning to a familiar comfort.

 

*****

 
 

And that’s not the only problem.

My physical stamina isn’t what it was. I have real problems sustaining any physical activity for more than ten minutes at a time.

That doesn’t leave much time for foreplay. Or much of anything at all.

I can just imagine it now: things will have just started to get interesting and I will be hyperventilating like a beached whale and have to ask the wife to bear with me as I roll over and take a couple of hour’s nap just to recover from the exertion of having undressed her.

 
In addition, I can’t sustain holding myself up. So either the wife takes all the responsibility for positioning, or I’m gonna have to take the crutches to bed.

I guess we could do it with the wife straddling me on the wheelchair, but I have visions of us tipping backwards and breaking it.

And those things are not cheap to replace!

 

*****

 
 

But that’s not the worst of it. My illness means that I don’t know if I am capable of movement until the moment that I try. And then, my body may move in a way other than intended.

So that means we are going to have to plan sex.

Seriously now: before we can have sex, we have to think about things like:

  • Whether I am physically well enough to even give it a try;
  • How to position ourselves so that I don’t injure her in the process if I suddenly spasm;
  • Whether I can physically sense it when she is touching me or when I am touching her;
  • and blah, blah, blah

 
Goodbye spontaneity.

 
Knowing my luck, even if I am able to act on the intent, the short-term memory loss will probably kick in part way through.

And then I’ll come to to find the wife knocking the top of my head and asking what happened.

And I’ll look at her blankly and ask: “Where am I?”

Maybe I should put together an A4 brief bullet-pointing what goes where? You know, just in case…

 

*****

 
 

Seriously, I hadn’t realised that getting horny would raise all these considerations.

I just want to return to that sexual being who enjoyed exploring my wife’s body and seeing what pleasures we could bring to each other.

Is that too much to ask?

But this is the reality of my illness. We can’t do things with the same fluidity that we used to.

In order to regain the lost elements of our lives, we’ll have to rethink the situation and come up with alternatives.

And I’ll just have to deal with my frustration at not being able to do things the way that I would like.

I’ve done the best I can do for now:

  1. I’ve told the wife that my horniness has returned.
  2.  

  3. I’ve told the wife that I plan to get a leg over some time this year.
  4.  

  5. I’ve told the wife to prepare herself.

 
 
It’s not much, in the scheme of things. But she has been warned.
 
 
 

SO TELL ME: What have you done to get the rut started following a long sexual drought? If any of you have specific experience of maintaining sexual relationships in times of disability and/or chronic illness, I would love to hear from you too.

 
 

freshly-pressed-badge

 
 

Related Posts (if you need further proof that I’m this shameless all the time)

 
 

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AUTHOR: I am might war. I have a love of music, the written word, travel, Anime, polar bears, people and “sticking and colouring”.

176 thoughts on “Sex and the Wheelchair

  1. Wow, Mighty! This is seriously quite sad. I truly hope you can get a leg over sooner rather than later. If it is any consolation, my husband and I manage to get sex over and done with (and yes, we still enjoy it a lot) in about seven minutes flat, maybe less if there is something we want to watch about to start on the telly, or if it’s past the time of either of us getting our eight hours sleep.

    Just to make you screw your nose up in wonder, here is a FB picture for you to enjoy. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=562174190547645&set=a.517154465049618.1073741828.517148885050176&type=1&theater

    It’s great to hear you are getting horny again! Pain can be so debilitating. Good luck with it! And you are so lucky to have Auburn. She sounds so patient and caring. She is lucky to have you, too. Cos you are awesome. 🙂

  2. If people had the opportunity to live their entire lives all over again, I’ll bet anything most people would do better at saving money and cut sex out of their lives by 90 percent.

    1. Interesting point, jarred13. But I’ve always been good at saving money and so I am very much looking forward to getting my 10% share of sexual relations. 😉

  3. Woah! Well I stuck with you after the first three paragraphs. I don’t think this is sad. I think you’ve done a great job of writing this. I’m guessing you’ll need to put that wheelchair against a wall to prevent the tipping back. Then maybe bondage might help with the physical danger you present. Mind you probably best to use something soft to prevent harm to yourself! Thanks for doing this. Writing and sharing! Making people think. Giving a vision of a wheelchair as something other than a condescending trap that stops people from seeing a real person. Genius! Oh and Freshly Pressed in spite of breaking one of the fresh pressed rules about language. Nice one!

  4. I love your brutal honesty. Living with a chronic illness and debilitating pain impacts every aspect of life! People tend to shy away and ignore the sex part of the equation.
    Oh – had to call “Freshly Pressed” out on their tweet. Don’t think they digested everything with the “Man plans sex with his wife” tweet.

    1. Dear salnix,

      I have been mightily amused by just how many people think that I am a man. But hey, at least it didn’t stop them from reading, right?

      And I guess that people tend to think that a chronic illness gives a person so much to think about that the subject of sex doesn’t come up? Who knows?

  5. Don’t know if this will make you feel a little better or not (it might give you a good giggle, though) but my longest stretch without sex was 5 years. Yes, you read that right, 5! When the opportunity arose for things to happen I wasn’t really worried about it. Sex is like riding a bike. You really can’t forget how to work the pedals. 😉

    I’m so sorry to hear about your physical limitations, though, but I would imagine that your wife would be more than happy to help and pull most of the weight when the time comes. I would if it were my husband.

    Best of luck to you!

    1. Dear Simple Heart Girl,

      I’m not sure that I could hold out that long! My wife’s body is too much of a temptation for me.

      And I’m a little worried now … seeing I never learnt to ride a bike.

  6. I clicked the “Like” button before I even hit the middle of this post and finishing it did not make me regret my decision. Honest and brilliantly written.

    And hey, I find it awesome that you don’t let your condition get in the way of wanting to regain your sex life. 🙂

    Keep posting!

  7. Wow – what a candid and well written post! However, I think its just like riding a bike! You may be out of practice, but you never TRULY forget how. I wouldn’t put too much thought into it…personally, I would keep trying until my husband and I were successful! And Auburn sounds amazing enough….keep trying, no matter how many times you end up on the floor. You will succeed!

  8. Wow you’re quite interesting, you got me in awe and seriously thinking at the same thing. I really feel for you, but this is a brilliant post. I am sorry for your condition just keep your head up.

  9. Crumbs. Tricky. Awkward. Depressing. You must feel thoroughly fed up. How about stepping away from ‘sex’. The physical act. Forget that. For now. Begin with tickling, stroking, massaging. Give your wife a manicure. Shower together. Share a bath. With fizz. Slowly slowly catch your monkey.

  10. Sadly my sexual droughts aren’t similar to yours. I am young and my husband is 7 years older than I am with the added bonus of being much more experienced than I, I am his second wife. Sex is pretty rare for me now. But I would like to ask a question. I don’t know much about your illness, but have you experimented with pot? I know it probably sounds crazy but it does have several medical uses and if anything it is a natural way to deal with pain. I hope if you do decided to try it that it helps you. Much hope for you and your saint of a wife. 🙂

  11. I’ve had problems with physical illness. For a while, it was ‘you’re going to have to do everything while I mostly lie there’ but it was better than nothing.. And it helped increase my stamina etc for the next time.

  12. Thinking about it is a good start, at least you’re willing to try, but don’t dwell on the thought so often. Try moving your body every hour even if it’s just a wink. Having you considered a blow job or a slow hot bf?

  13. Congrats on the return of horniness! I suggest you tie your arms and legs down and let you wife have at you!

    1. Ah Mythoughts76,

      You are speaking to the heart of one of my longest-held fantasies. And now I’m chuckling at the idea of bondage being used for “medicinal purposes”.

  14. Good God, man, you have my deepest sympathy! My heart goes out to you both.

    My hubby and I each have our unique medical tangles to bring (not nearly often enough–sigh) to bed with us. My meds either ramp up or down my moxie, and on his side we’ve got those wonderful “diabetic-afterglow” moments when his blood-sugar plummets, he breaks into a bucket-soaked sweat, and heads towards incoherent if we don’t either a) get food into him, or if he’s beyond that, b) shoot him up with glucose. Mostly, though, we just can’t seem to both be healthy AND horny at the same time. It would be funny if it wasn’t so … well, absurd.

    It’s nothing compared to the ordeal you’re bearing with such amazing humor (though he did punch me in the face one time when his insulin reaction neared seizure-level, so I get that a little bit). Kudos for writing about it, and so openly.

  15. You have gone through something momentous and obviously that has changed things. You might not currently have the stamina you did 3 years ago, but that doesn’t mean that over time it will not come back with work. I think one of the important things to highlight here is that your relationship is amazing, both you and your wife have had a seriously shitty time of it for three years and you are both still together and talking about heading to funky town 🙂

    Having your wife captain the ship isn’t really a bad thing, it’s quite empowering for us ladies actually 🙂 your wife is also the best person to ask as she has experienced your fits and knows what happens and how you move and therefore how best to get around that possibility. I think it is amazing that you have such an awesome and open relationship. Currently my Hubby has extra bone growth on his C4, 5 and 6 vertebrae, this impacts on his spinal cord and he is often in severe pain. Surgery is dangerous, but a must if he is ever to live pain free, as much pain as he is in he is still a randy dude and we have had to find what works around it to try and compensate for his condition. We try different positions and change around if it starts to hurt him too much – sometimes we have had to stop entirely which is obviously seriously frustrating to both of us, but our relationship is stronger than sex so it is worth the effort.
    I hope this helps. Whilst his condition isn’t the same as your situation, the pain he gets is sometimes so severe he is bedridden and can’t even talk through the pain.

  16. What a wonderful blog. I love your frank, humorous style. Sincerely and affectionately following.

    As a professional in rehabilitation (unemployed), can I suggest a body support system, and some playful bondage? This is a very versatile and personal favorite system http://bodycushionstore.com. I hope this is not too forward, and I wish you a wonderful romp.

  17. I’m sorry you can’t have sex with your wife but at least you keep a positive, upbeat, and humorous state of mind about the subject! Much appreciated, and good luck succeeding with this in the near future. And keep the funny posts coming.
    dailyquizquestion.wordpress.com

  18. Your honesty is admirable sir. This is precisely the reason I decided to take up blogging. To talk about things I may not be so comfortable discussing in person. I’m glad you’ve got your drive back! I saw a comment below about someone suggesting you tie yourself down and let your wife at you! This is a good point. Think of it as BDSM. Gives your wife a lot to do but maybe with time you could start to become more active. Hope it all works out.

    -DC

  19. I kept reading. And I’m glad. I don’t know or understand what you’re going through. I’ve had 2 years of unexplained joint pain. I feel great guilt for never feeling up to sex. Even worse I have once in 9 month spur and then I’m done. In too much pain to move. It makes my husband angry. It’s great your wife is supportive. I bet she’s happy just hearing how you want to. Thank you for sharing.

  20. “Do you know how disheartening it can be to touch yourself and not be able to feel anything at all?” – this made me real sad.
    “…my horniness has returned!” – made me laugh out loud.
    This was a great read. Thank you very much for sharing this and I hope everything turns out okay.I hope to read about some good news from you soon. :)))

  21. I admire your honesty, and you have a great wife. The note from the postman was adorable. I would’ve melted. The wheelchair idea is pretty hot and have you all considered oral? It feels so odd writing this LOL but it’s alright. I hope that you two come to a common ground. In that position, maybe your wife can take control. Perhaps you can watch her explore and then she put it on you. LOL best of wishes!

  22. Is there a sexual fetish involving sex with a person in a wheelchair?

    Curious,
    Joseph Kerniger
    Publisher, The Sarkist Times

      1. Exactly.

        The Sarkist Times will get into this. I’ll keep you posted.

        Best wishes, Joseph

  23. I LOVE your writing style and your personality!! Good read, love the positivity and the humor too. I wish you the best 🙂

  24. First, I’m happy for you have such courage to post this. But all I am thinking of is for you to have a better health and for you to regain all of what you think you have lost. Get well!

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